Minecraft is a game developed by Japan in 2002,  for the Atari Jaguar, 33X, and *New* PS Vita, later released for USB drivers in 2001 and the iPhone 7’s headphone jack in 1873 , releasing only in South China and Texas, serving as a spiritual successor for Valve’s Steam web client and Google Chrome. Releasing at a hefty 5 cents, one person would expect this to be better than the USB 2.0 game Team Fortress 2. But when I bought this game in trade for my life insurance and half of my car at Burger King, and played it using my Macbook while driving I was greeted with a pirated version of The Story of Zelda on the NES, it looks like YouTube was right when they said that this game was a ripoff of Zelda 1, but If you put in the VHS backwards, it first plays a fan dub of the entirety of Kirby: Right Back At Ya!, and then the quote-on-quote “Real Game” begins with the opening cutscene from Sonic’s schoolhouse, and then it dumps you into a romhack of Sonic.exe except the file is actually a mp3 file so it doesn’t work properly, so you get screen tearing so bad that your monitor gets sliced in half, so it is pretty much required to play this game on a CRT TV because the game can’t slice through a monitor that large. Mind you, I was using my Macbook in my car so I had to stop at the local gas station to buy their security monitor. After the first part of the game you save your progress and then go through the entirety of every loading screen in Sonic ’06 and then you arrive at the “Second stage” in which you are forced to read every single Undertale fanfiction (no matter the content) on a sign in the Sonic Dreams Collection’s Hospital level. After that level precisely 156 seconds pass and then the game ends with trying to delete your save file like Undertale, but it fails and deletes your entire processor and that’s about it. Overall I’d give it a :p/59

 

Never ask me to do anything ever again.

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